Posted on June 24, 2017
My life isn’t miserable. It’s just in a damaged state and its taken me far too long to get back on track. I guess I’m at fault for that, and the issue just annoys me. My life has claimed me as a person of circumstance, but most responsibilities cause me more grief then they should. I may find myself in a better position in the future and look back in laughter, but I’m not laughing right now. It’s not funny being constantly broke and struggling to make rent. I would be much happier with the sense of security that the wealthy don’t seem to appreciate.
Existence is stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy living. I’m not depressed or anything. I just don’t understand what causes me to truly “exist”. I could easily have been born at the dawn of humanity, or in the 1800’s, or in the late future on another planet other than Earth. The possibility for me to have been born as an alternate race or gender is easy to see. I had no choice in determining my existence. No one got to choose their starting point. Would anyone ever choose to live a life as a poor person when they could have been born into a wealthy family? Why would they choose to live a life of racial bias? While you could, why would you choose a harder life? It makes the whole thing seem ridiculous.
I’ve been thinking about the simulation theory. Our reality could easily just be an ancestor simulation created by a future society that just wanted to understand history. I could just be a digital archive of a past life that already happened and I’m just living a written future. The idea of billions of other individuals that all speak and think an entire lifetime of thoughts and opinions, all living in places that I will never visit, and speaking languages that I will never know, just sounds absurd. Imagine an afterlife in which there was a mix up and you ended up in the wrong language section. No translator either, so all conversations would be extremely confusing until you eventually learned from thousands of interactions. Nothing makes sense and nothing truly matters.
What do you care about? Will it exist a hundred years after you die? Do you believe in an afterlife? If not, then what is the point of existing in the first place if you stop existing and are not able to remember from a previous life? I guess that I’m just confused by the reasoning from a possible omnipotent being that created everything. Why would a God exist if they never interfered or interacted with the ones they created? It just seems ridiculous that some live for a hundred years, and yet some die in early childhood. Some have a life of bliss and luxury, and others life a life of absurd harshness and bitter realities. If given a choice, why even exist in the first place? What is to gain if nothing follows after death? Everyone that we ever meet and have a relationship with will also eventually die too, and if nothing follows this life, then essentially it is as if you never lived at all. The only thing that remains is your future generations if you had children. What if you died a virgin? Then what? What was the point if you never extended life?
I just want answers. I figure that if life is just a stupid simulation, someone would have shared cheat codes by now. “God” would’ve never created shortcuts if he/she/it never intended anyone to use them. Perhaps magic exists in the form of a higher understanding of reality, and only a select few gain that knowledge. Maybe everything is just a distraction until we die and the whole thing is just a random string of absurdity. I just want to know what this truly is. No more stupid reality shows and bad decisions from generations of humans that don’t “get it” because they were born 30 – 40 years earlier than the average age of humans. We place far too much trust in older humans. Age does not equal wisdom. Don’t believe me? Too bad, I don’t have to explain further. Let the young have a voice too.
I’m still bad at endings, so I’ll just keep leaving you with a strange song to jam out to.